copywriter, copywriting, funny copywriter, humor, humor writing – page 2

Posts Tagged ‘marketing’

Me llamo Dree. I'm a copywriter for people who want to whip it, whip it well. Let your business letters, newsletters, slogans and one-liners cause a scene. Give me a shout right now.

Fancy Cake Economics, Or: When to Raise Prices

Wednesday, December 9th, 2009

My girlfriend and I recently went out for dessert in downtown San Diego.  We ordered a tall piece of chocolate cake with two layers of crème brulée and a citrus Napoleon, so named for being short, squat, and a tad grandiose, I’m sure. They were delicious, well worth the high price.  And our six-dollar pot of tea was the height of subtle complement, with rich oranges and smoky undertones.  It slapped the rich chocolate layers high-five and then came back around for a fist bump with the pillowy pile of French dictatorial pastry to the right.  Dendrobium orchids and rose petals festooned the frosted pinnacles.  The slight winking in the candlelight proved to be edible gold flake.  The final bill for this experience?  About $30, after a decent tip.  All in all, a good investment, the ideal antidote to a weekend that had just a touch too much dead turkey carcass.

But one area where the investment fell flat?  Quantity.  And not for the reasons you’d think.  I can put food away, but the twin masses of lovingly prepared deliciousness were too much for both me and my companion.  We wanted to finish them and lick our plates, but some small voice of reason told us that attempting such a feat would turn a pleasant evening into a masochistic tale of woe.  The human body simply cannot take that much buttercream.

Chocolate freebasing.

Chocolate freebasing.

That left us two choices: try to take the hacked up chocolate cake and Napoleon with us, or leave them there.  They would never be as good as they were that night under the palm trees and tea lights, and it seemed silly to take them home to a fridge already chock-full of leftovers.  We were boarding a flight in 24 hours anyway.  So, instead, we left them, two half-spent plates of confectionary goodness going to waste like a poorly-told joke.  Wasting all that food lent an unpleasant taint to the delicious flavors we’d experienced.  I know, I know: we didn’t have to leave the food like the overindulged Americans we are…there’s nothing better than congealed day-old Napoleon, after all.  But I don’t want to have to choose, for what I paid.  I don’t think we’ll seek that place out again, or, if we do, we’ll order significantly less food.  We’ll pick either a delicious sheaf of chocolate cake or a scrumptious Napoleon paperweight.

This Napoleon was exiled to the dumpster.

This Napoleon was exiled to the dumpster.

Spend less money, leave less food.  No big deal.  But it got me to wondering: how often does an experience like ours occur?  How often does getting too much detract from the user’s experience of the product?  How would the dessert experience be affected if the restaurant halved their portions and upped their prices?

Now, that’s not usually a good move; everyone knows the refrain of the shrinking cake/burrito/sandwich/beer patron.  “They used to be bigger and cheaper!” said with a shaking fist.  When  a product gets smaller and more expensive, it can look like someone’s trying to pull a fast one on us, toying with our need for, say, a piece of chocolate cake the size of a pug.  What a downer, then, to get a piece of cake barely bigger than a toy poodle.  Disappointment and angry Yelp! reviews may abound, at least at first.  Seekers of pug-sized chocolate cakes will have to go elsewhere.

Let’s take a moment to consider the musts of the expensive-cake market.  People don’t want to be rolled out of restaurants with a wheelbarrow when they pull up to a place like this.  They probably put on nicer clothes.  They want something special, something they can eat and feel good about.  They value making better choices for themselves, which is exactly what you’re helping them do by halving the portions.  That’s right:

People appreciate your assistance in making decisions.  It’s OK to charge money for that.

So, when I plunk down $6.00 for half the amount of cake I was getting charged $9.00 for before, I’ll consider it a deal.  I’m thinking here of the satisfaction of cleaning one’s plate, of not breaking out into a cold sweat in the process of finishing what was served.  No hemming and hawing about whether to force more cake down my throat, pack it into waxed cardboard, or leave it to go to waste.  Great meals are for finishing, so I’ll pay you to help me have the most snag-free experience of this great meal, and then I’ll thank you for it.  This is the great thing about a market like this one.  When you offer a specialty item, you can actually augment user experience by offering appropriate portions and pricing them accordingly.

You’re probably thinking: I don’t sell fancy cake with crème brulée in the middle of it.  OK, point taken.  But you might have something else that you do sell that could benefit from this divide-and-charge method.  And your customers?  They could benefit too.  Nobody wants your product to feel like work, so make it as painless as possible.  Then say, you’re welcome.

My reluctant marketing guru, Naomi Dunford, seems to be giving the smaller-more-manageable-cake-thing a try.  She recently snatched her successful Online Business School off the shelves, and informed her readership that the OBS of the future is going to be a slightly different animal upon its resurrection.  She’s making it into “modules”, slicing her formidable cake smaller, and selling them piece by piece.  You buy one, you read it and do its bidding.  Your business glows.  Then, grab the next one, and repeat.  Small, manageable steps; no 264-page PDF sitting in your downloads folder, waiting you to break page 11.

That’s some tasty economics, right there.

Post to Twitter

The Nash Equilibrium, Niche Marketing, and SEO

Friday, November 20th, 2009

Disclaimer: I am not an economist.  If I’ve got this Nash equilibrium thing wrong, please send me a five page proof of your claim utilizing >50% of the Greek alphabet to: 1007 E. 57th St. #333, Chicago, Il 60637 by 5:00 PM on Friday.

Because You’re Special

No matter what you do, you’ve probably heard a lot about the importance of specializing in your particular market—one doesn’t just do life coaching, it’s gotta be life coaching for marine mammal trainers.  It’s not just about being a horse trainer with a cowboy hat, but a horse whisperer with a cowboy hat.  Or maybe you’re not just a physical therapist, but an angry-horse-related injury specialist, not just a murderer, but a psycho killer with mommy issues bent on revenge, &c.  You’ve got to find your specialty.  Or, specialism, if you’re in the UK.

This proposition makes sense, but sometimes it’s hard to get it to that completely sunk-in area of your brain from which marketing thoughts like to originate.  Personally, I’m often tempted to market my copywriting skills to everyone, thinking I’ll land a sweet gig writing about fluffy kittens that pays 10 G’s a week.  And really, I probably could write effectively about almost anything (yeah, no, economics isn’t on that list).  Just like that one horse whisperer could “whisper” not just horses into tractability, but an uptight, middle-aged British socialite into life on a farm.  So why can’t I do the same?  “Come away with me, and I’ll write your fishing-boat related copy unto awesome, even though I get seasick when reading The Voyage of the Dawn Treader.”

Another Comparison of Marketing to Dating

That’s why it was cool to stumble upon (and I mean that in the least meta-way possible) this scene from 2001’s A Beautiful Mind demonstrating Nash equilibirium.  It’s that cool barside conversation about blondes and Adam Smith.  Here’s the link, since the video won’t embed.  (In fact, even if you think this whole idea up to this point is stupid, you should watch it anyway…it’s a fine film.)

Thuslike, if the collective sum of your market is an attractive blonde, and she’s surrounded by brunette 8.5’s, do not try to engage her.  Always, always, always direct your attention to her underserved friends.  I know, you want it all, you multifaced horse guru you: the zebra owners, the people with mini-horses, the parents who want to send their kids to horse camp.  You slick your hair back, prepare a line about The Best Free Horse Tips For All Riders and grab your drink.  Probably an Old Fashioned, to keep with the 1940’s theme.

Russell Crowe as John Nash taking his own advice.

But check it out: that guy next to you is planning exactly the same move.  You could gamble that your banter will be wittier, or you could put on a clown nose, but keep in mind that she’ll be distracted by that other guy’s witty banter/clown nose/drink offer too.  And it’s not just the two of you.

Everyone in the bar has had their attention on your girl since she walked in: it’s Nash equilibrium, and it’s tricky business.
But here’s where niche marketing comes in.  If you can embrace the notion that going after “the blonde” will not ensure the highest payoff for you, you can chose to opt out of the generalist market completely.  You don’t need Dr. Phil to tell you that trying to be all things to all people is disastrous.  Instead, base your USP on your unique abilities with a particular market: skittish horses, or neglected brunettes, and score.

And Now: String Theory!

This practice gets even smarter with SEO and putting strings of long-tail-search terms to good use.  Know your single brunette ladies.  Study up on them.  Who cares about landing the blonde?  There’s a guy with a limo and a law firm snaking his way across the floor towards Ms. Bombshell, and you don’t need to give two shits.  You’ve already established your market and it’s brunettes named Mildred.  When she puts out the call for “great dude who can teach horse to Lindy Hop” and presses “search”, guess who pops up to the front of the line?  Your keen self.  Lookin’ good, Slick!

Post to Twitter

Marketing to Teens: On Authenticity and Price Points

Tuesday, November 17th, 2009

When selling to teens, can you hang with the cool kids? It’s not too tricky, especially now that you’ve gotten over that excessive perspiration thing and finally had your first kiss.  Just follow a few simple rules, and you’re on your way.  Here’s just a couple to help build up your confidence and take your mind off that zit on your chin:

The pink hair, the pants sagged so far they appear a mere parody of clothing, the kabuki-style makeup (in high school, I had more of a Noh theatre look myself): teens may look ridiculous, but they’re not stupid. They’re savvy consumers, just like you are. They know when they’re being marketed to and they’re generally OK with it.  With that in mind, don’t expect to “exploit” your teen audience any more than you would your 21-34 audience.  They know what you’re up to.

Teen price pointing: teens are bargain hunters, but only up to a certain point. We’ll call that point about $100. Under that number, teens are likely to look for twofers, sign-up-a-friend deals, and sales.  Because that’s generally their own money, derived from an allowance.  Once you start pricing your product at a greater amount, you’ve moved out of the deregulated cash zone; that is, things that a teen can spend money on that his parents won’t find out about.  Are there exceptions to this rule?  Of course.  Some kids have an unregulated supply of cash, while others are expected to contribute what they have to the household budget.  (You may have heard that 63% of high school seniors carry a credit card.  OK, but consider whose lap those Visa statements land in.  Teens are smart about paper trails.)  Consider the pricing on video games: throughout their history, they have rarely been above about $80, for just this reason.  If you absolutely must price your product above $100, go ahead, but understand that there will be certain complications.  You can go much higher and still secure the teen market, but will now have to consider parental input into the buying decisions.  Oddly, after you’ve entered the realm of higher price points, bargains become less important. If a teen wants something expensive badly enough, their pleading will generally have a greater pull to instigate the purchase than any twofer deal.  However, tread carefully in this territory. Addressing to the teen and parental demographics at the same time is a whole other ballgame, and truthfully, remains to be perfected.

When addressing teens, don’t use lingo in your copy. You can use “hot”, once or twice.  That’s it. My eighth grade english teacher, when discussing Shakespeare, would often toss around the “total jerk” phrase.  As in, “Tyvalt just appears to be some total jerk, don’t you guys think?”  And, we mocked her.  When you’re tempted to break out some lingo for “the kids”, keep this in mind.  If you think you know what teens are saying up to the minute, I can assure you you’re wrong.  Why?  Because by the time that adults have appropriated these terms, their meaning has changed, precisely because adults are now using them.  It’s entirely unappetizing to teen ears to hear an adult discuss something in teen lingo.  Once Mom starts saying “really cool,” it’s the canary in the mine indicating that it’s time to scale back on its usage.  To expand on this point, check out this commentary by satirist Stephen Colbert, riffing on Kraft’s trying-too-hard Miracle Whip campaign.

The Colbert Report Mon – Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
The Mayo-lution Will Not Be Televised
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor U.S. Speedskating

When you use teen lingo in your copywriting, you probably sound like Kraft.  By using it satirically, Stephen (as well as his Comedy Central cousin, Jon Stewart) gets away with it, appealing to teens in part because he doesn’t appropriate their language and fire it back at them with a straight face.  Also note the insanely popular Twilight series, written by Mormon mom Stephanie Meyer.  Meyer doesn’t pepper her prose with teen lingo, and thus has avoided the pitfall of appearing dated and uncool.  She won scores of teens over because she didn’t try too hard.

While we’re on this topic, don’t try to cheat by creating your own teen lingo around the product.  Let them create their own.  Then, and only then, are you allowed to swoop in and use it to your advantage.  If you try to hand feed them a phrase, it will inevitably fail. The hand-fed technique may fly for younger, more impressionable and jingle-happy tweens, but media-bombarded teens are usually wise to such efforts.  I repeat: teens will create their own terminology around your product, if indeed it’s meant to be.

Post to Twitter


Bad Behavior has blocked 15 access attempts in the last 7 days.